My 15 year old nieces have snake bites.  I’m not joking.

I understand that it’s important to allow your children to express themselves.  There are healthy ways for kids to express themselves and then there are snake bites.  One could argue that there’s a fine line between pierced ears and pierced lips, but that’s a false argument.  The social implications are vastly different.

I get that not every kid can be a cheerleader or an athlete or a brain.  I shop at Hot Topic.  I own Tripp clothing, more than one article of Tripp clothing too.  But I wear it with other things so I don’t look like I stripped my outfit off one of the Hot Topic mannequins.  Having your face pierced really puts one way too heavily in a certain subset of society and as a parent, do you really want your children to have to overcome all the stigma that comes with being part of that social subset? It’s hard enough to be a teen, to navigate one’s way through all of the changes that are taking place, to find yourself.  Why would you want to add more obstacles during an already difficult time?

Oh well, my kids are going to be very disappointed if they think their cousins have set some new standard for what’s permissible.

I took Thing 1, Thing 2, and the Monkey King (which must always be capitalized because, well, he is the king!) to see New Moon.  We went to the 1o am showing so the theater was relatively empty (which I love).

So, $50 later, we’re sitting in this mostly empty theater waiting for the movie to start and I’m pulling the bag of Halloween candy dregs from my purse (you know, the gummy bears, Starbursts, Laffy Taffy and such that only is eaten, if at all, once all the good candy, i.e. chocolate,  is gone).  Hey, I bought everyone a drink, 3 slushies and a diet cola were $20.50.  I have to work for my money.  I can’t afford to buy snacks too.

Bella is just an awful person.   Really.  She gets dumped, devastatingly.  Jacob rescues her repeatedly and the second she believes that Edward might be around again, she dumps Jacob without hesitation.  Leading the poor boy on just because she’s lonely.

And Robert Pattinson is an awful actor.  I thought so when I saw him in that one Harry Potter (and the Goblet of Fire) but he was much younger so I assumed it was youth.  He has not improved.  I realize that vampires are technically dead, but there is a difference between vampire and corpse.  Pattinson’s performance leans too heavily towards corpse.  And he is not aging well.  You know how there are some people who are really attractive as kids or teens and then once they hit adulthood they hit the wall?  You know, Leonardo DiCaprio syndrome.

Thing 1 was drooling over Taylor Lautner.  My husband asks “is that the one who constantly looks like he was asked a difficult question?”  I don’t think he looks confused just by hard questions, I suspect he looks that way regardless of the question’s difficulty.

I wonder what the underlying message of all these vampire movies is.  Vampire men are older and wiser and deep and in touch with their emotions.  In fact, they are so wise that they decide that their soul mates are teenaged girls?  Look, I was once a teenaged girl not too long ago but I can’t stand to be around them that long.  Too much whining, too many hormones, it’s exhausting.  I mean, I get it, after however many years (depending on the story the vampire may be dozens or hundreds of years old) on earth a seemingly normal girl is so arresting that the vampire finds nothing else more important than her.  He never felt that way about anyone else.  That is so romantic.  For anyone to tell you that you are the most important or special thing is amazing, but for someone that has lived more than one human lifetime to do so is just so much more.  But then, what kind of men are these really that in all that time they have only matured to the level of teenaged girl? That’s actually icky when you consider it; really, really icky.   Like, felony charges icky.

Anyway, crap acting and selfish leading lady aside, the movie was light and relatively easy to watch.  The Monkey King really liked seeing the guys turn into werewolves.  I liked that too.  And seriously, I don’t understand picking Edward over Jacob.  It’s no contest.  The guy that picks up all your messy pieces and puts you back together is always their for you or the flake that blows you off and leaves you. It’s not difficult.  Here, I’ll just say it, “pick the guy who sticks with you”!!!!!!

I have to say, I never saw Twilight, and I haven’t read any of the books.  I love to read and had intended to read the series, but now I’m thinking that I wouldn’t enjoy them very much.  I like the Vampire Diaries show, but I’m pretty sure I couldn’t read those books either.

Actually, the best thing about Vampire Diaries is the hilarious low budget and the way High Def is really working against the actors who are supposed to be teens! Ian Sommerholder as a 19 year old is just so laughable.  That must’ve been a rough 19 years! 6 years ago, it might’ve worked but high def shows every line.  Ask them to use vaseline on the lens.  My husband falls asleep during that show almost every time.

Speaking of vampire books series/tv shows or movies, I love True Blood.  I normally am not into soft core porn.  But the story is interesting enough for me to get part it.  Tara’s an annoying character. I think my husband likes it because he gets to see Anna Paquin’s boobs.

You know, my biggest problem with all these shows is the lack of truly attract vampires.  Out of Vampire Diaries, Twilight, and True Blood, there’s not a single hot vampire. Totally disappointing.  Brad Pitt was/is a hot guy but looked ridiculous as a vampire.  Can someone hire Johnny Depp to be a vampire?  That would work.

If you’re unfamiliar with the Frankencouch, you can find out about it here.

For those who knew and loved the Frankencouch, you will be sad to know that it breathed it’s last.  It was laid to rest on our treelawn in a solemn ceremony (punctuated with lots of groans and banging into walls, because, damn, it was big and heavy) on Saturday, November 21st at approximately 6:15 pm.

It leaves behind a chaise lounge, a recliner and several throw pillows.

The Frankencouch sustained serious injuries in a vicious attack late last August.  It never truly recovered from these injuries and the death is being considered a homicide.

Painting one’s house should work the same way that Microsoft paint works.  You should be able to pick a color and hit the paint can and the whole wall should turn that color. Also, if you want to do custom work with a paint brush, you should be able to right click and erase your last brush stroke (or that big drip of paint that just landed on my carpet because somehow I was able to get it to drip on the tiny bit of uncovered carpet rather than the ton of newspaper that’s on the floor).

Unfortunately, it doesn’t.  And I am apparently the Earl Scheib of house painting.  You remember them right? Paint your whole car for $99.  And you better like that color, because everything was going to be that color; the windshield, the mirrors, the trim, the bumper, maybe even your wheels.  I had no idea, until I googled them to make sure I was spelling Scheib right, that they were still in existence.  That’s brilliant.  That’s also how I paint.  That’s why I”m sitting here blogging about painting while my husband actually does the painting.  I help, but it’s more helpful when I go get him another coffee while he paints.  Really.

I never could color in the lines.

This morning my husband picked up some Lion’s mane mushrooms at a local farmers’ market.  I love these things.  They are really tasty.  They also have a lovely texture.  Much like a child, I must touch things.  And these mushrooms are just lovely to touch. They almost feel like fabric.

lion's mane mushrooms

It’s really fun to cut them up too.  Just because they don’t slice the way a crimini mushroom does (or an enoki, or oyster, or white mushroom).  They’re much different than the normal mushrooms to which I’m accustomed and I love to work with them.  They are so lovely (and expensive) that we just saute them with a little olive oil and a little garlic (and maybe a bit of salt and pepper) and leave them be.  It’s really funny because growing up, you couldn’t make me touch a mushroom.  Now I’m going out of my way for stuff like these lion’s mane mushrooms.

This is why spellcheck is NOT the answer

This evening I ended up at Borders (my absolute favorite bookstore, I really hope they can get on better financial ground.  buying books online is cheaper, but nothing can compare to getting to walk around my local Borders with a cup of coffee from their cafe picking out interesting looking books) and saw this flyer on the community bulletin board.

Why wouldn’t you spend an extra minute on this?  Wasn’t anyone around who could identify the misspelling? For God’s sake, there are only TWO WORDS  at the top and one is misspelled! How embarrassing.

I love this next thing.  No, it’s not the creepy bear.  I’ll get to the creepy bear next. At Urban Outfitters (which is a ridiculous store.  seriously, I can buy much better clothes – better made, better looking – at H&M and pay much less money), I saw what is possibly one of the most frivolous, hilarious things.  A bubble calendar.  It’s a calendar with a bubble on each day (like bubble wrap bubble).  I told Thing 1 and her friend and they both said that they would end up popping each bubble the first time they touched it.  I disagree, I think they’d pop a couple, get bored, and never touch it again.  Here’s a picture of the package in case you’re interested.

Also, in case you’re looking for black, sequined hot pants, H&M is the place for you.  It’s ok.  You can buy them.  I don’t judge.

bubble calendar from Urban Outfitter

Now, the creepy bear.  Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory (which has very yummy chocolate covered apples that my husband never buys me because he doesn’t understand the appeal of chocolate covered fruit) had the creepiest bear out front.  It is this big stuffed bear. Well, here.  Look at it.

Creepy Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory Bear

See, it’s creepy.  I made Thing 1 sit next to it for the picture (but I cropped her out).  Thing 2 wouldn’t even sit next to this thing.  It is way creepy.  Hell, I wouldn’t sit next to it.

Joel McHale, splicing together the Oprah-Sarah Palin interview with the Oprah-Jenna Jameson interview is brilliant.  I need to rewind it and watch again.  It took a second to figure out that it was a spliced interview.

Today was the tree lighting at a local shopping center.  There was a choir, a guy making balloon animals, a bunch of local dignitaries, and marines.  Marines in their dress blues.  They can really make a girl swoon.  Thing 1 was totally annoyed that I was checking them out.  Not half as annoyed as she was to find out that a guy from her high school hit on me (and sent me his phone number) via MySpace, but annoyed all the same.  It’s all good that I’m hip enough to steal my clothes, but when I ‘m youthful enough to attract the attention of guys her age then it’s not good at all.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on random things.  Hope you’re having as much fun as I am…… but I doubt it.

I took my kids to the H1N1 vaccination clinic in our town.

The day before, we received a recorded call notifying us of the clinic and suggesting we go to a website for further info.
I immediately went online, read the info,  and registered.  It was a little confusing because there are two sets of guidelines for determining if you’re in the Tier 1 group (and therefore eligible for the vaccination during this shortage).  According to the phone call I received telling me of the event (and the guidelines on the information page), all my kids were in the Tier 1 group just by being between 6 mos and 24 years. On the registration page, Tier 1 is only kids 6 mos to 4 years, and 5 years to 24 years with a chronic illness. None of my kids have a chronic illness. I completed the registration process for them anyway. When their patient forms printed, they all fell into the Tier 1 category, as they should have according to the guidelines on the information page.

We arrived at the clinic ten minutes before the clinic start time with our patient forms; I couldn’t believe how long the line was. There were more than a dozen cops directing traffic just to get in the parking lot and a several health workers walking down the line to ask how many people in each group (as the majority of those waiting were parents with their children) were getting the shot. A man a few groups in front of us was there because he’d had his spleen removed. He was allowed to stay in line at first, but was turned away before we made it inside.

Once we got inside the building, we were sent to a table to fill out a questionnaire for each person getting the shot. Our registration forms were also reviewed at this table.

Then, we were sent to another table where the forms were again reviewed.

Finally, we were taken into a room were many, many tables were set up to actually give the vaccinations. Again, our paperwork was reviewed and the appropriate vaccination was given (the nasal spray had a live virus in it and was only given to those who met certain criteria, the shot had an inactivated virus and was given to anyone else who was in a tier 1 risk group).

The entire event was set up very well. Even though the line was very long, we only spent about 30 minutes there. I am impressed. For something that was probably put together very quickly, it was well organized and things went smoothly. The only thing that could have made this better was if my husband and myself could have also gotten the shot.

I have to say, I found the whole experience was a little surreal. It doesn’t seem that we should have this kind of shortage. Why have flu vaccine shortages (any type of flu vaccine) become a chronic issue? I am glad that the government was able to provide this service; that we have this type of coordination to conduct these clinics.  But I feel much more comfortable when I can go to my personal doctor, where I am comfortable, when I need medical services.  It gives me confidence that these forces can be dispatched on short notice and perform these tasks in such a efficient, effective manner.  But I’d prefer not to need services to be provided in this manner.  The swine flu has been around too long to be forced to rely on contigency medical efforts.  Seriously, this is as close to disaster relief type services as I ever want to be.

Today’s Buddhist thought of the day says that the purpose of the life is happiness.

I’m down with that! Now tell everyone to stop getting in the way of my life’s purpose!

OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG!

Artful Dodger are playing the Cleveland Agora tomorrow night!

How did I not hear about this until just now? I would love to go, but there’s not a chance I’d pay the $25 ticket price.

I love how there’s no pictures of the band anywhere, not in the local free entertainment mag, not on the Cleveland Agora website.  Not on the Artful Dodger fan site (the band doesn’t appear to have it’s own website).  Well, there are a couple of pics on the fan site, but none appear to be recent.

Scream is an amazing song.  The intro is a major foray into wankerdom.  It’s entirely too long.  But even wankerdom cannot take away the greatness of that song.

Wayside is great too.  Not as great as Scream, but hey, most people should dream that they could write a song that great.

So tomorrow night, while I’m painting my family room, I’ll throw our Artful Dodger CDs in and I can pretend I’m at the Agora.  I won’t miss the drive or the crappy restrooms or the crummy parking lot or the insanely divided (with no place to make a u-turn) Euclid Avenue.  I’ll definitely miss the free pour Long Island Iced Teas though.

I’m such a dork.  When Oblivion first came out, I was so excited by the commercials, that I actually bought my XBox 360 just for that game.  I spent soooooo many hours playing, my poor husband would just sit on the couch next to me and watch me play.

I learned two very important things.  Save.  And keep more than one save.  In fact, saves at key points should be kept indefinitely.

I decided I felt like playing again, much to my husband’s dismay.  It’s a great way to just zone out. Today I spent over an hour trying to complete the Sanguine quest where you cast the Stark Reality spell.  The spell causes all the guests at a dinner party to appear in their underwear.  It’s funny, but you go to jail and lose all your cool items.

And since I’m admitting to dork things, I’m currently reading World War Z.  Which, in case you’re unfamiliar, stands for World War Zombie.  And it isn’t nearly as dorky as it would seem.  When I decided to read it I had a much different idea of how the book would be.  Although the book deals with zombies, it’s a serious look at how people (government agents, normal citizens, scientists, etc) react to a world outbreak.  It’s really compelling.  I was expecting something more silly or a more traditional horror.  The book is horrifying, but not because it’s about zombies.  The book is actually on my local high school reading list (I didn’t know that when  started reading it, I actually picked it up because it was halloween and I had been reading all kinds of vampire stuff and decided to switch it up and erad about zombies).

Now I’m watching ESPN and this joker commentator is talking about El Kabong.  You know, like Quick Draw McGraw.  Really.  The guy said something about some guy and his team El Kabong-ing the competition.  Wow!

Nothing will be as fun as my favorite football commentator, Mr. Turducken himself, John Madden.  I love watching any game when Madden is commentating.  But my favorite quote ever was him saying something about his favorite sight (or the best site, or there’s nothing better than the sight) of a young tight end on the field.  And I could not agree more.  There’s not many football sights nicer than a young, tight end on the field.

In a similar vein, I have to be a 12 year old boy here, the commentator just said something about the best unit out on the field.  Hahahaha, he said unit!

My two little children love to make onigiri.  For those who don’t know, onigiri is a rice ball.  It usually is stuffed with a small bit of some other food, such as plums, olives, sardines.  We use tuna salad.

I made our onigiri using 3 parts regular sticky rice and one part black glutinous rice. It turned all the rice this gorgeous deep purple color.

The best way to make onigiri is to line the onigiri molds with plastic wrap which has been coated with cooking spray.  Also, have a bowl of water into which you can dip your hands.  Moisture is important as otherwise the rice will stick to everything.

We made the more traditional triangle onigiri, though one can buy molds of many different shapes.  We have a mold that makes an arch, a flower, and a cloud.  That mold is nice because each shape is relatively small.  The triangular molds hold a lot of rice.  We made 18 onigiri from our rice (4 cups dried, I didn’t measure how much it was cooked).

It takes much patience to make this with little kids as it can be quite messy.  Today was the first time that we did this where I didn’t need to scrub the floor after! Hurray for progress.

My kids are excited to take their onigiri to lunch tomorrow.  It will be interesting to hear what their classmates have to say.